Death Note: A Divine Comedy
by SyberiaWinx
Summary: After death, Light finds himself in Mu, which is not what everyone thinks. He and the others who died must atone by acting for the amusement of the gods. Their scripts? Fanfiction.
1. Someplace New, a Prologue of Sorts

Death Note: Ready, Set

**Death Note: A Divine Comedy**

Disclaimer: If I owned Death Note, this wouldn't be a fanfic, now would it?

AN: Leave reviews or I'll write your name in my DS-the next-generation Death Note! You can also use reviews to make suggestions. : P Extra credit to anyone who figures out who the narrator at the beginning is.

_--_

**Chapter One**

**Someplace New, a Prologue of Sorts**

--

_All humans, without exception, will eventually die…_

_When they die, the place they go is "Mu", nothingness…_

_Such is the rule, as stated in the Death Note._

_--_

_But what does this actually mean?_

_Contrary to what some may think, humans have souls and do not simply cease to exist._

_However, they do not go to eternal paradise or suffer damnation, either._

_--_

_Instead, the souls of those passed will find themselves in a blank world._

_This world is influenced and altered by their thoughts and the lives they led._

_Those who have sinned or tried to play the role of God must atone in this place._

_Not by burning or suffering, but by amusing the true gods._

_--_

_They become actors in a true divine comedy, whether they wish to or not._

_The will and desires of the Human Realm will become their cruel master._

_And their script?_

_A physical embodiment of those desires…_

_Something called "fanfiction"…_

_--_

Pain. A fierce, throbbing pain. That was the first thing that Light Yagami became aware of as he regained consciousness. His head felt like it was going to explode. Despite this, he could feel the smile creeping onto his face. He let out a chuckle, which quickly developed into a full-out, insane laugh.

Why? Because to him, the pain meant one thing and one thing only:

He was alive.

It would have been more rational to check out his surroundings first, make sure no one was around and that he was in a safe place. For all he knew, he could be locked away in some prison, awaiting execution or in the middle of a crowded street, terrifying passerby.

But at that moment, much like the ones he remembered before losing consciousness, Light was anything but rational. No, he was a madman who didn't care what the world thought of him. Why should he? Once he became God, the world would be his, after all!

That thought made him want to laugh even harder, but he resisted and struggled to regain his composure. The memories of the warehouse were still vivid in his mind. How he had managed to survive being shot all those times he did not know, but it was likely he was in the custody of the SPK now, which meant he was in serious trouble.

Standing up and dusting off his clothes, Light glanced around. Wherever he was, it was pitch-black. He couldn't see anything, yet he was certain he was being watched. No, not by a camera, but by something-_someone_-else. Someone was definitely standing just a few inches behind him.

Keeping his cool, he turned his head slightly and looked over his shoulder, into a pair of wide eyes as dark and endless as his surroundings. They were familiar-_too_ familiar. He thought it was Near at first, but quickly pushed that idea aside. No way could that fluffy little pipsqueak ever stand up straight and be eye-to-eye with him. If he could, it would have made it so much easier to strangle the life out of him. Stupid sheep.

Those damn eyes had him paralyzed, but he forced himself to look away so that he could study the rest of the person staring at him. His breath caught in his throat when he finally realized who it was.

"R-Ryuzaki?!"

Somehow, standing before him was the infamous L-the detective who had dared to try and challenge him, only to fall before him, defeated, in the end. He looked exactly as he always had, which made Light understand what was happening.

He laughed. "I get it now. This is just a dream, right? Or maybe you've become a ghost and are haunting me to get back at me for killing you?" Triumph was evident in his voice as he laughed again, mocking the still-older man. "Aren't you five years too late? What happened-Heaven have a dessert bar?"

L remained silent through all this, still staring, though he was now smiling with amusement of his own, his dark eyes almost twinkling. It was beginning to get on Light's nerves, his smugness dissolving into irritation.

"What are you smiling about?!" he demanded, certain now that the man knew something he did not. There was nothing he hated more than being bested by that wannabe-diabetic L or his heirs-the sheep with the toys and that annoying girl with the chocolate addiction.

Instead of responding, L simply crouched down in his signature position and started poking a fork into a delicious-looking cake on a plate that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. There was another one across from it, apparently for him, since L made no move to claim it. He really wanted nothing more than to kick it-preferably into the face of the detective,-and seriously considered doing so, but decided against it, realizing the other would likely just enjoy it.

Letting out an annoyed sigh, Light crouched down in a similar position, resolving that all he could do was wait for the dream to be over or for L to go away. And if either of those didn't happen soon, he might have to kill him with his own hands.

"You can't kill the dead." As if reading his mind, or perhaps his threatening glare, the detective finally spoke. He looked up at Light, still smiling, and took a bite of his cake. "Of course, in your current state, you can't kill the living, either, Light. Or should I say, Kira."

"What are you talking about, my 'current state'?!" Light had chosen to ignore the "Kira" remark, since there was no point hiding it anymore. For the first time in his life, that he would ever admit, he was completely in the dark…literally.

"Haven't you figured it out yet, Light?" L took another bite of cake. "Did all that blood-loss affect your brain?"

A wave of embarrassment washed over Light. The events in the warehouse before he'd lost consciousness were not ones he looked upon fondly. He'd completely lost it in the face of that bratty sheep, not even bothering to hide the fact that he was Kira. And what had it earned him? A body full of bullets. Over and over he'd been shot, and by wimpy Matsuda no less. He had failed to kill Near by just a few letters, and his most useful ally-subordinate, really-was dead. And now to make it worse, the man he hated the most had apparently witnessed it all-seen his moment of shame and probably enjoyed it.

"It was rather amusing, seeing you fall so easily after all that effort." He was not sure if L was somehow reading his thoughts or guessing what they were, or if it was all just some crazy coincidence, but it was grating on his nerves. "You managed to kill me, but I won in the end after all, through my successor."

"Would you stop talking in riddles for once?!" The throbbing in his head before sounded pleasant in comparison to the headache he was currently sporting from listening to L talk. "What the hell is going on?! And what makes you think that little sheep won? Even if I don't have the Death Note, the next time I see him, I'll wring the life out of him myself, regardless of whether or not it costs me my life."

L chuckled, his mouth full of cake yet again. "You might want to pay with something you actually have, Light."

Another glare. "What?"

The young detective sighed. "I'm talking about your life, not-so-bright Light. You no longer have your life. You're dead, same as me."

Light just stared at him in complete shock, not sure how to react. A part of him was just refusing to believe what he was hearing, while the other knew it was true. He was with his dead, hated rival in a place of infinite darkness. His last memory before waking here was being shot multiple times, blood spewing from him like a fountain. He'd collapsed at last, but no one had moved to help him, because he was Kira-their hated enemy and a traitor who had masqueraded as a friend for years, while killing countless people, some whom they knew and cared for personally. He had known he was dying, which is why he'd been so elated to awake. It had never occurred to him that he really was dead and in some kind of afterlife, especially since he'd never believed in such things.

"Are you okay, Light?" L asked, clearly not caring despite his words. "Do you need to lie down? You've got your health to think about." He was smiling again, mouth once more stuffed with cake. Even in death, he was addicted to those damn sweets and still had an infinite supply, though Watari was nowhere in sight.

That thought made Light hold back his anger enough to ask his rival a question. "Not that I believe you for a second, but if I really am dead, what the heck is this place, and why are we the only ones here?"

"This place is Mu, the world of nothingness where all souls go after their bodies die."

"If all souls go here when their bodies die, then why are we the only ones here?!" Light repeated his earlier questioning, grasping desperately for something that would make his rival's words false.

L sighed again, finishing off the last of his cake. "Were you always this impatient? We're far from the only souls here, but only people who shared strong bonds with you in life or who harbor a strong enough desire to do so can choose to appear before you."

Light sneered at this, his true personality showing itself to L like it had moments before the detective breathed his last. "Don't tell me you can show yourself to me because you had a strong _desire_ to see me again." His tone was mocking and cruelly suggestive. "As if I'd ever be interested in someone like you. You're more worthless than Misa."

L could have pointed out how he'd given more than one reason why one soul could come before another or used his great intellect to retaliate with a sarcastic remark of his own, but he chose to do neither. Instead, he just smiled in amusement once again, a sight which only enraged Light further.

"Oh, Light, if only you knew." He was struggling not to laugh, but a few chuckles escaped nonetheless.

"Knew what?" Light growled, knowing giving in to his desire to throttle the other would be pointless, since he was already dead.

"Those who use the Death Note can go to neither Heaven nor Hell." L simply stated. It was one of the rules of the notebook Light had used as Kira to kill people, though he had placed no faith in it, not believing in such things. "Obviously, that's not quite the case, as everyone winds up in the same place. However, that does not mean that those who have sinned-especially by using the Death Note,-shall go completely unpunished."

"How would you know?" He didn't want to accept that he was dead, but his mind was no longer screaming for proof that it was false.

"I was told a little by the shinigami when I first arrived here, but made sure to ask what would happen to you."

Maybe it was that he just wasn't taking this seriously. "Really? And what exactly is my punishment for 'sinning'?"

L rolled his eyes. "This is what happens when you skip the prologue and move on to the main story." he muttered under his breath.

"What?"

"Nothing." L began typing at a computer that had appeared on the "floor" to his left and turned the monitor towards Light. "See for yourself." he said, pointing at the prologue for a certain story.

"Amusing the gods? Actors in a divine comedy? Physical embodiments of desires and will from the Human Realm?!" Light turned away from the screen and glared at L. "What the hell does all this mean?!"

The young detective clicked 'Back', returning to the index of stories, then moved to the list of those about Light Yagami and pointed to the screen. "It means you, myself, and a few select others will have to atone for our sins in life by acting out stories from this site for the amusement of divine beings."

"And what if I refuse?" Light certainly had no intention of making a fool of himself for a bunch of bored shinigami. "Are they going to kill me?" His voice was full of sarcasm.

"No." L replied, his tone grave. "If you refuse, they'll sentence you to a fate far worse than death. They wouldn't tell me what it is, but they sent Mello there when he cussed them out after he first arrived here-'cussing out' being the G-rated version of what it was he did, because he didn't want to do it. He didn't even get the details-he just refused to protect his stubborn pride. Anyway, when he came back, he was emotionally-scarred for life and announced he would never eat chocolate again before falling into a catatonic state. I haven't seen him since."

Light couldn't believe it. "You're not serious?! There's no freakin' way!" He slammed his fists down and glared at L. "Are you honestly going to sit here and tell me that Mello-" Even repeating what he had just learned was proving to be just as difficult as believing it.

"I'm telling you the truth."

Light looked him straight in the eye, challenging him. "You're seriously trying to tell me that Mello is a guy?!"

Even the infamous L could not hold back his surprise at that one. He'd thought Light was referring to the fact that Mello had denounced chocolate, which was about as believable as him giving up sweets. Having died before his apprentices had officially taken the stage and Mello had started walking around in provocative leather, he had been oblivious to the fact that many mistook the blond boy for a girl…most not living long enough to repeat the thought.

He soon regained his composure and once again fixed his gaze with Light's. "I assure you, Mello is indeed male." His lips curled into an almost-devious smile. "I'm sure that's one thing you'll see for yourself once we begin these little plays, judging by some of the stuff I've read here."

This statement returned Light's thoughts to the "atonement" he'd just been informed of, and far away from the other thing L had just said, because he really didn't want to ask the meaning behind it. He'd sooner write his _own_ name in the Death Note.

Pushing the crouching detective aside, effectively causing him to fall flat on his behind, he began to read the small summaries for stories on the fanfiction site that was hosting his own sordid tale that was only just beginning.

"'Instead of finding a Death Note that can take lives, Light finds a Life Note that restores them', 'Kira has managed to create his perfect world and become God, but now what will he do?'…" Light let out a malicious chuckle. "Hey, this might not be so bad after all. I wonder if anyone wrote one where I beat the wool out of that damn sheep…" He ignored L's amused stare and continued reading.

"'A bored Ryuk turns Light into a small child-how will the taskforce handle this challenge that may rival even the threat of Kira?'. Huh, that's a weird one. 'After the talk with L on the roof, Light has second thoughts about killing the detective'. Yeah, like that would ever happen. 'While chained together, Light discovers feelings for L he never knew he had after an accidental kiss-', WHAT THE HELL?!"

If Light wasn't already dead, he might have thought he was suffering a heart attack. He looked over at L and saw the detective was once again trying to hold back his laughter. After a moment of stunned, horrified silence, he finally addressed the older man.

"You-" He stared at him in shock, still having trouble speaking. "You think this is _funny_?"

"I think it will be interesting, that's all." L smiled.

The shock wasn't even close to fading, but he could feel his anger rise up and overshadow it. "That's all you have to say?!"

"Well…" L looked thoughtful for a moment, then his face became deadly serious, like it had been during the Kira investigation. He leaned forward slightly, until his face was only inches away from Light's. "There is _one_ other thing."

"What?" Light said weakly, leaning back as far as he could. He hoped L wasn't really going to kiss him or something freaky like that.

L smiled again. "Can I have your cake?"

Moments later, a scream of utter defeat and frustration and madness was heard in Mu, the Shinigami Realm, and the Human Realm. Windows shattered at random, people jumped from the roofs of Fisher-Price cottages, and one white-haired young man found a devious smile creeping onto his face, before he returned to lecturing Rester about how there _was_ a difference between Bloks and Legos, and how making the mistake of saying there wasn't again would result in his dismemberment.


	2. The Beginning of the End

**Death Note: A Divine Comedy**

Disclaimer: If I owned Death Note, this wouldn't be a fanfic, now would it?

AN: Leave reviews or I'll write your name in my DS-the next-generation Death Note! You can also use reviews to make suggestions. Maybe you'd even like to suggest they be forced to act out one of your own fics? It would be free advertising and a chance to really join in the fun! : P No one guessed the narrator, much to my surprise. Though, admittedly, few people actually bothered to guess. It's actually really easy, if you look at the context. Come on, folks-show that you have what it takes to be the next L! Thanks to all those who reviewed-20 reviews for the first chapter? Man, this must be a great fic! I hope everyone remembers to include their favorite parts, since I love reading them. I hadn't planned to start working on the next chapter so soon, as I'm busy working on my novels, but since it's so popular, I couldn't help it. And to those of you waiting for me to update my other fics, I'll try to get updates up soon! I've been busy offline…writing other fanfics…_

**Chapter Two**

**The Beginning of the End, Sometimes Oneshot Can Kill You**

_In the last chapter, Light Yagami found himself in "Mu", land of the dead…_

_There, he was greeted by his enemy and rival, L, whose death he himself had overseen._

_It was not long before Light realized that he had been killed, a fact he was not happy about._

_But there was more._

_For the sins he had committed in his life, Light would have to atone._

_And the method of his atonement would be putting on plays for the gods,_

_Light was horrified._

_The scripts for these plays-fanfics-were something he never could have foreseen._

_Had he been able to, perhaps he never would have become Kira._

_For these simple writings were far more deadly than the Death Notes he'd lightly used._

_Now, let the show begin…_

Light let out a cry of frustration. After learning of his fate, he'd spent the next few hours trying to find some way out of Mu. L had pointed out it was futile, but the fallen god just couldn't accept that. He was Kira, wasn't he? He'd wielded the power of a Shinigami and been worshipped by people all over the human world. And now, to be stuck in a place like this, with the man he hated more than anything in the world, and forced to humiliate himself…that, he just couldn't handle.

Slamming his fist into a wall his mind had conveniently conjured up, Light growled, "I'd rather die than be stuck in this hell!"

L looked up at him from where he was crouched over some cake on the floor. "Isn't dying how you wound up here in the first place?"

Light glared at him. He wondered what would happen if he attempted to strangle the irritating detective. L just went back to eating his cake, seemingly unbothered by the fearsome look he was being given.

Suddenly, behind him, a familiar face materialized. Letting out a surprised cry, Light backed away instinctively.

"Oh, just great…" he muttered, once he realized who it was.

Looking behind him, L raised his hand in greeting. "Ah, Watari-it's been a long time. What brings you here?"

"I've come to bring you the script for your first performance." the man said seriously, no different in death than he had been in life. He handed a white notebook to L, then started to fade away again.

"Hold on a minute!" Light said suddenly. "How come you don't have to do this? Raising a bunch of psycho orphans has got to be a sin, right?"

His expression not changing, Watari replied. "Oh, it very much is considered a sin, which is why I am able to appear before you here. But I work as a sort of butler to the gods now, since there would be no point in me receiving a punishment like yours."

"Why not?" It irritated Light that one of his enemies could get away with not having to go through this.

"Because nobody ever writes fanfiction about me." Watari stated plainly, before starting to fade once more. "If that is all…"

Light couldn't believe it. So now he was being punished for being popular?

"Wait a minute-that doesn't make any sense! How come you're here, then?" Light pointed accusingly at the crouched man. "You spent your whole life hidden away from the world! There's no way you're as popular as me!"

"Don't be so quick to jump to conclusions, Light." L replied, stabbing a strawberry with his fork. "I'm eccentric and mysterious, which statistics show is what fifty percent of this age's female population is into."

Though he was almost afraid to ask, Light had to know. "And the other fifty percent?"

"Self-absorbed mass-murderers, apparently."

Light glared at him. L delicately opened the notebook and studied it in silence, before passing it on to the other man. No more than five minutes into begrudgingly reading it, the protesting began anew.

"There's absolutely no way! I refuse to do this!"

As stoic as ever, L looked up at him. "What is it you don't want to do?"

"Are you kidding me?" Light shoved the open notebook in his face and pointed at the last part. "This!"

Swatting the notebook away, L stood up. "Aren't you overreacting, Light? Surely you've done this kind of thing with Miss Amane before?"

"That's not the point!" Light wasn't sure if the detective was screwing around with him or actually didn't get it. "You're a guy! And I despise you!"

"Didn't you also despise Miss Amane?" L asked, stirring more sugar into his tea.

Unable to say anything to this, Light just glared at him some more. Much to his further annoyance, L chuckled.

"If you keep glaring like that, your face might freeze that way."

"Just shut up."

Suddenly, another person started to shift into view. It was a young woman with long black hair and an empty expression. Light felt that she looked familiar, but he couldn't quite place where he'd seen her before.

L apparently remembered, as he greeted her after a brief glance in her direction. "Nice to see you again, Miss Naomi."

"Are you ready to begin?" the woman asked sullenly, not looking at either one of them. "If you keep the gods waiting, they will get angry and banish you to the…place."

"Don't tell me you're in this scene too?" Light didn't really care about her, but he'd just as soon not humiliate himself in front of any more people than necessary.

"I'm the director. Unlike you two, I never sinned." There was no emotion to her words-it was just as if she were stating a simple fact that didn't interest her at all.

L leaned a bit closer to Light, who flinched away instinctively. Before he could say anything, the man whispered: "They tried putting her in these plays in a supporting role, but she had trouble because everyone wrote her with a personality."

"Are you ready to begin?" Naomi asked again.

Light gritted his teeth. He didn't want to do this. The idea of doing _that_ with the man he hated most… No, he shouldn't think of it like that. L was right-it was no different than what he had done with Misa. There was no love. It wasn't something he enjoyed. All it was…was doing what he had to do for the sake of his goals. Until he figured out how to get out of this place, he just had to play along.

"Fine" he said, forcing the irritation from his face. "Let's get started."

The story started out realistically enough. Light and L had just begun working together, and they weren't getting along. It was actually refreshing for Light to relive being Kira and secretly plotting to kill L, while pretending to help him with his investigation. And he greatly enjoyed getting into a shouting match with him when he was "falsely" accused of being Kira. What he _didn't_ like, however, was the way the confrontation ended.

There he was, pinned against the wall by L, looking into those eyes he couldn't stand. According to the story, this was the part where he was supposed to be confusingly attracted to his nemesis. But as their lips crashed together in the "heat of passion", he felt only horror. It was as if someone had punched him in the stomach, and he kind of wished that were the case.

"Cut." Naomi said blankly, walking away from them as the set they were on disappeared.

"You mean my wrists?" Light said sarcastically, after pushing L away.

The older man playfully bit his thumb, smiling deviously. "According to the script, you secretly enjoyed it." Light scoffed. "Well, at least you didn't faint just before the kiss, like the last five times."

Feeling his cheeks redden slightly with embarrassment, Light glared at him. "I swear, the next time I get ahold of a Death Note, the people who write these deranged stories will be the first to go."

"Near? What are you doing?" Rester asked, walking over to where the white-haired teen was staring hypnotically at the screen of one of the SPK's smaller computers.

"Just doing some reading." he answered, not looking up.

"Oh, god, it's not those stories about you and Mello again, is it?"

"No." Near smirked. "Just checking to see if anyone reviewed the story I wrote."


End file.
